Irish Shirtsleeves

1) It’d been a wonderful afternoon. He’d been completely satisfied in every way. The trouble came later - going over the itemized bill.

2) He read it a few times over, to make sure he wasn’t mistaken. Then he called to Penny, steaming herself thinner in the shower.

3) What’s the matter? She asked. Well, he said, it says here that you’re charging me for two ass-fuckings, which is fine…

4) The problem, then - he explained - comes here. See? Later on, I get whacked for another $200, basically a whole other fucking, right here.

5) She looked. Oh no, she said, “that ass-fucking was part of this..”: She pointed on the bill. Something called “The Irish Shirtsleeve” .

6) Irish Shirtsleeve! You don’t remember? That’s when you had your arm in my ass to the elbow, and I had my arm up your ass to the elbow.

7) So, although ‘s not a real fucking, not really, we still charge because it is something stuck into somebody’s, well - your - asshole. See?

8) He smiled, gave her hair a toussel. Yes love, now I see. She smiled at him and - although she was just a working girl, he realized he was in love.

9) He reached under the bed for the six inch broadsword he’d stashed there. She drew a last breath. He reared back, and sliced off her head at the jaw.

10) Twin fountains of stinky arterial blood came gwabbing out of the wound. He drank it as it fountained, spitting out the mixed-in teeth.

11) He proceeded to slice her into hundreds of small pieces which he then salted, dried, and inserted into hundreds of small lined envelopes.

12) Then he hacked her I phone and sent pieces of her to everybody in her Iphone “contacts” folder. Addressing it with a note - Attn: Peabo Bryson.