The Flobersons

The Floberson family got to the minivan just in time to see their house, some one hundred yards away at the end of the driveway, fly away. Daddy pointed as the foundation dislodged and the whole works went airborne, screaming:

“HOLY SHIT MOMMY, DRIVE!!!”

But Mommy didn’t have to be told, she floored it so hard, in reverse, that Daddy was pinned and squished against the windshield and dash for the whole hundred yard ride. He came unstuck when she effected a backwards drift, gearing into first as the mini-van slid and fishtailing out of the driveway. She yelled to Daddy:

“Sorry Honey! Had to do it! Look back and tell me…”

But she stopped because it was obvious that Bo and Farrah had already looked out the rear view and screamed as one:

“FUUUUUUUUCK! MAHHHHHHHHHMMMMMY! AUGHHHHHHH!!”

Not good thought Mommy, laying into the throttle to escape from the giant funnel-wind. She saw the telephone wires on both sides of the road raging and whip-sawing like jump ropes held between giants. A big American pickup truck, complete with a trailer and a Boston Whaler attached, flew over the road and over the Floberson’s. Daddy watched the whole works pile-drive through the roof of a small house. He started to look through the minivan rear window but caught himself, afraid to look and terrified to look away. His paralysis broke when he heard Farrah screaming…

“OH MY GOD, MOMMY, IT’S RIGHT HERE!”

Daddy realized his daughter was right. He watched the raging wind overtake them from behind and felt the Flenderson Minivan Launch into space.

From inside the van it was different. It didn’t feel slow or deliberate, as it must’ve looked to anyone crazy enough to observe. Instead, it was violent beyond normal violence. It felt super powered. The family were all pressed down with a extra-gravitational force, and then out and against the car walls with an even greater force. All save Daddy lost consciousness. It took 2.4 seconds for the Floberson Minivan to go from ground level to over 2,000 feet in the air. At the very top of the funnel, the Windstar gained some sort of purchase, circling for a few rev’s the way a stubborn turd sticks around for the last few toilet-turns. After a few times though, the forces acting on the car buckled and gave. Daddy was upside down, looking down through the front windshield, when the minivan exited the floating debris-field and was borne out into the currents by the towering storm.

Somewhere in the 2,500 foot-free fall, even Daddy was forced to sleep. And that’s good, because the results weren’t great to look at. Daddy hadn’t realized the van was ripping through the sky forward with an even greater force than was yanking it down. When they did finally hit, it was the trajectory that caused a good percentage of the damage and destruction.. A forensic investigator for one of the insurance companies joked that the debris field - at first glance - looked like a big farm that grew steaks instead of pumpkins. Nobody laughed.