J&C #2: Big Cock Jesus

JM: He's what?

C: Whore. He sells himself sexually for money.

JM: No

C: No? Yes.

JM: ??

C: Yeah. Truth. How'd this get by you ? he's tellin' everybody for a while there...

JM: I dunno. That's...He always seemed so quiet.

C: Nope. All comers too, what I hear. Guy’s got power from both sides of the dish.

JM: What? What?

C: I know that parts true, cause Paquin and Latife's big sister rented him for her bachelorette. One man show. Spendy. Big cock.

JM: Jesus.

JM and C: Big cock Jesus. [Gales of hoffific, medically threatening laughter]

***

Luckily, the Excusemesir arrived just in the nick of time. Crowe and Jeff had been laughing, red faced, tear stained, choking guffaws and helpless, amazed, head shaking when the poor little guy moved in.

Excusemesir. Kept repeating the same fucking thing, was his first mistake. Crowe and JM kept laughing harder each time around. The guy was hilarious at first, then sort of creepy and emotionally manipulating, then just sad, and then eventually somehow ten times more funny than when he'd first showed up.

At one point Jeff thought his friend Crowe might finally be having a heart attack, then – scant seconds later - he became convinced he himself was having one. He suddenly felt it crucial, that he explain all this to JM, but then THAT train of thought suddenly seemed uproarious in ways that Crowe had never conceived before. This helped both JM and Crowe to discover yet another gear of stupid, paralysis-inducing laughter: eyes open, mouth in silent spasm, a single tear rolling slowly down each cheek. This presentation, or course, sparked a whole new tempest of guffaws, and on and on they went.

The guy – a Trout Lodge “security” person in a fluorescent t-shirt that read: “It's always TROUT SEASON!”, either wasn’t getting it, or just wasn’t nearly as addled as his problem-guests. He stood, stonefaced, and watched the two old men laugh. The vicious circle of mirth went on for what seemed to Crowe like weeks.

Sir, excuse me sir? Excuse me sir? Excusemesir? Excusemesir? Sir? Excuse me? Sir, excuse me sir? Excuse me sir? Excusemesir? Excusemesir? Sir? Excuse me? Sir, excuse me sir? Excuse me sir? Excusemesir? Excusemesir? Sir? Excuse me? Sir?

***