Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What?
Nothin…
OK.
It’s just…Nah. Forget it.
Uh…Sure.
Awright. But just don’t say no. I mean, you can say no, just hear me out first.
Mm Hmm. Ok…
I want - Dude this is hard - You wanna’ fuck my wife?
What? Dude…
Now see there? You answered right away. You’re basing everything on what you think you know. What if my wife’s hot? What if I’m offering money? Huh? What about that?
Dude. Am I, like, on camera? You…You’re filming this right?
Again with the hidden camera! Why the fuck does everybody say that? No! No camera. I just want somebody to fuck my wife. Is that so hard to believe? Don't you...Actually, No. You know what? I think I just took the offer off the table.
The table?
Yep. Table? No. The offer off of it.
Offer off of it?
Yep. Nope.
Dude, we’re on line at the deli counter
(Number 124? 124!)
Yeah. An hour ago I asked a guy in the gym. What’s your point?
No point.
Ah. OK. Now it’s no point.
It’s just weird man. It’s not a question I usually hear at the Deli.
So think on your feet man. Life is opportunity!
Yeah. Well, I think I’m gonna just stay with “no.”
Well, offer off so…
(Number 125? Number 125! No 125)
Oh right. Offer off.
(number 126!)
Excuse me, did he just ask you to fuck his wife?
Who asked you dicklick? Mind your own fuckin’ business!!
Awright, awright. Just asking. Thought I was hearing things.
It’s ok dude. I’m just stressed. Everybody. ..It’s always “No,” quick at the beginning like I’m tryna’ move aluminum siding. MotherFUCKin’ wife’s HOT!
Damn man, how many people you ask.
Nevermind. A lot.
Um, do you have a picture? Of your wife?
Offer over for you fucker. Quick No’in dick. I do have a picture too, but you ain’t seein’
(Number 127?)
Can I see the picture.
I dunno dude, I’m so, just like, drained you know? The whole thing is just….It’s taxing.
Well lemme just get a look. Maybe it’s your lucky day, right?
What you? You fuck my wife?
Well, I have fucked, uh, people.
Yeah, I can see that. You look like you fucked a few people…It’s just that this fuckin guy. So negative. Just leaves a bad taste…
Dude can you just leave me out of it? Dirty shit-bird, it’s in rotten taste to ask people questions like that in the supermarket. “Will you fuck my wife?” Dude. Wow. Just…Wow.
You see this guy. How he is?
Negative.
Right?
Why you gotta hate on his wife man?
(127! Number…)
That’s me. 127 is me! Just a ½ pound of the oven-roast chicken, and a small container of Willow -Tree chicken salad.
You had the Dave’s? It’s really…
I had the Dave’s. The Dave’s sucks. I want the “Tree!”
Jeez sir, I’m just sayin’
Oh don’t get mad at him. This guy over here practically called his wife a slut. I’d ‘ve punched his fucking face off. You gonna let that slip youngster?
Excuse me, Ma’am? First of all the walker is on my toe…
That’s on purpose asshole.
Uh, right. OK.
(all set sir. Turkey and a Small Willow Tree salad)
Thanks, dude. And he did not call my wife a slut ma’am. It’s really. It’s none of your concern…
I made it my concern you ball-licker. I’ll call the cops on you, you pervert.
Hey man, are you gonna let me see that picture? I gotta be at work for 4:00...
Yeah. Yeah, hold on. Matter of fact, gimme your cell number I’ll text you.
What’s yours I’ll text you
You hear me, Sonny? This ain’t over! You woke the dragon!
Owww. Shit. Mother….Lady what the fuck!
Ooooooohh. Dude you ok. Let me help you up.
Help him up again, I’m knockin’ his ass out!!
Lady go away! I think I’m gonna fuck this guy’s wife!
Stop swearing in the market you sick fuck!
Oww! Lady what the fuck!
Oh jeez. Dude I’ll call you if I like what I see. I’m gonna split.. This old bitty might be dead and I got three strikes.
Ok dude. I think my arm’s broken. Were those brass knuckles?
They’re made of steel. But you saw! The lady charged me…
(number 126!)
***
Oh fuck yeah,. Fit to kill, she was. Charged you dude. Wow, look at her nose!!
(Number 129. 129? 129!!)
Cleanup in aisle six!!
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